i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
