i would punch a child for taco bell
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize