Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
