Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
