Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
