If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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