Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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