and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
