one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize