you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
