You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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