So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
