Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
ttyl tear gas
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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