It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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