why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
