Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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