you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
