and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
