Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
