well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
last night I used snow as a chaser
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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