hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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