But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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