She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
