It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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