I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
