My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize