All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
