Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Shame - the story of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
