It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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