Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
