I just threw up on my dentist
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
