o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
