I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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