Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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