I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
