I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
