Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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