Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
