if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
