I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
