Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize