Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
