yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
