The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
