Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
