Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
