It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Randomize
