nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
