i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it's like heaven, but drunker
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
