Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
