Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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