I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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