Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
