Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's always time for handjobs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your penis caused this!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
