he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
