Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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