Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize