My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
