Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
