I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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