No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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