theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
