I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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