It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
