What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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