Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
