Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
