He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
