Me too!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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