Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize