At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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