If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
