Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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